Friday, February 8, 2013

Rants for thought...

PART 1: Scrumptious misnomers:


It has always bothered me that there is a candy bar called 3 Musketeers that doesn't have three of anything in it. It is just a whipped, chocolaty, milky substance dipped in a chocolate shell. There is absolutely nothing about the 3 Musketeers that has anything to do with the number 3, with musketeers or with the literary trio known as The Three Musketeers. There is no "One for all and all for one" mentality associated with the bar at all. Why on Earth would they name the bar 3 Musketeers?

Basic VirtueWhat makes me more uneasy is to realize there is an actual candy bar (made in the same factory, no less) that has three distinct elements working together in harmony:  peanut, caramel and nougat. (Since the outer chocolate shell is common to both candy bars, I omit it as one of the elements.) This candy bar is not called 3 Musketeers, instead it is named Snickers. What about a Snickers bar can be associated with slightly reserved chuckles?

I realize that candy doesn't have to make sense, I learned that from Willy Wonka. So by extension, names of candy bars certainly don't need to follow a logical nomenclature system. But something this obvious should have caught the attention of Naming Committee at Mars.

To rectify the nonsense, here is my proposal: Call today's Snickers the 3 Musketeers bar going forward. The current 3 Musketeers bar should be changed to the Milky Way bar. Because it is nothing but a chocolate-covered, chocolaty milky way from end to end. This leaves the name 'Snickers' without a bar and today's Milky Way without a name. So match those two up and call it good.

-------Story continues below-------

PART 2: Authoritarian Travel Agents:

Picture yourself saving money for a long time in order to go on vacation. You want to see a new part of the world, to experience new cultures. So you collect enough money for airfare and lodging, along with cash for activities and souvenirs. You are full of anticipation and excitement! Boarding the plane, you begin to day dream of all the wonderful things you'll do, sights you'll see and cuisine you will eat.

Instead of Holiday Inn Express, let's call it Hostage Inn Express.
You land, take a cab to your hotel and begin to check in. The host at the front desk hands you your key, your meal tickets and a list of activities offered by the hotel throughout the duration of your stay. He also hands you an itinerary. As you glance over the schedule, you realize that they are only letting you leave the hotel for a few hours each day, except on the third day. On the third day, you have to stay in the hotel all day long.

The bell boy, almost instinctively, like he can read your thoughts, says: "Don't worry sir, shuffle board is very popular."
Every day their shufflin'.

Shuffle board, you think to yourself. How old do I look to this kid? Just then, you see that all of your meals will be forced upon you by the hotel staff. The menus are pre-planned and not to your specific tastes. At least there is a buffet, you tell yourself.

But as great as a buffet may be, you are trapped. You cannot go where you want to go or do what you want to do. You are given a few choices of activities, but they all involve staying put in the hotel... except for the daily guided tours.

Is this what you saved three years to do? To be a hostage guest at a hotel?

Now, for those of you who haven't made the connection, I am ranting against the cruise industry. With a cruise ship, there are four distinct differences between it and a regular, land-based hotel:

Costa Concordia partially sunk January 13, 2012 after
striking a rock.
1. The hotel will not strike an iceberg or large rocks or coral reefs to ultimately sink in the ocean. The cruise ship might.
2. The food that is served at a hotel could be brought fresh everyday. On a cruise ship, it was only fresh on the first day.
3. The hotel will not make you seasick. The cruise ship can.

4. The view from your hotel room window will not change, but on a cruise ship, it likely will. As long as you don't have a cabin facing the shuffle board court or the ocean-only side of the ship.

Sacha Baron Cohen as "The Dictator"

Think about it... the cruise industry had to have been invented by either a dictator who had a thing for planning/organizing travel or the other way around... a travel agent who had dreams of being a dictator.


  1. Dear son, You should try going on a cruise before you make such judgements. They are really fun and the food is not planned for you You have a menu and the shrimp cocktail is to die for. The mousse is also amazing and they treat you like your are royalty.
    Love, your mom.

  2. Dear Mom, That is not my point. The post is satirical, but puts emphasis on my whimsical interpretation of the industry's origin. I think it would be hilarious if a dictator had a passion for travel planning... and it resulted in the cruise industry. Love, Your son :-)